Videos PEOPLE 2008.3.10 Text: Lotje Sodderland Vlieger & Vandam comprise Carolien and Hein (respectively), a Dutch husband-and-wife team who's happy union was the result of a friend's casual match-making exploits. I could now write quite fluently, but I still could not read. Registered in England No. Then reality hits. Lotje reveals her tips on adjusting to acquired communication disorder aphasia and finding a new way of life in her present reality. Lotje, what did David Lynch mean to you before your stroke?LS: I got into Twin Peaks when I was a teenagerreally, really into Twin Peaks. It left her initially unable to read, write, speak or think coheren. Meeting with fellow patients has helped in rebuilding Mrs Tans confidence. This interview has been condensed and edited. A year has passed and Lotje is at a Cognitive Communication conference, speaking to anaudience of therapists, sharing with them her experience. Published: May 29, 2020 Newlyweds take on challenges of aphasia hand in hand, heart to heart When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. Brechas Urbanas Sao Paolo. From picking their next holiday to setting up their marital home, a stroke diagnosis was the last thing that the couple in their early forties had in mind. When you were filming yourself on your phone, did you think of that footage as something you might eventually make use of?LS: No. I encourage patients to find creative or unique outlets to express themselves and understand their emotions in non-traditional ways other than writing and reading. Midway through filming, Robinson contacted Lynch's agent to try and show him one of these videos and much to their surprise he sent them an email back. And while I still work in film, it's in the visual side of things as aself-shooting director. I realised I didnt know the names of any of my body parts, and started to cry. She helped me figure out the navigation system on my iPhone, which meant Iwould be able to walk around without getting lost. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. [6], Lotje began recording video-selfies just a few days after the stroke, while still in the hospital. I would then spend a further 140 minutes a day on the laptops visual and sonic word repetition training app. Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. Stuck in a passionless marriage, a journalist must choose between her distant but loving husband and a younger ex-boyfriend who has reentered her life. My friends who lived overseas, especially Lucy and Anita, who lives in Holland, visited regularly. But after a few months, the intense regime soon got taxing on the couple. But mostly My Beautiful Broken Brain is about Sodderlands inner journey from confusion, trauma, and sometimes despair to remarkably sunny acceptance of her new life and her new mind. (2018). Sometimes, it is not about choosing to be positive but to understand and acknowledge that you have been hit with a mental condition or illness and working your way out of it is going to be very tough. Sophie, when Lotje got in touch, what did you think?SOPHIE ROBINSON: I was in the middle of an edit of another film. And then we stayed in touch. With the help of my Occupational Therapist, I could go to the bank, take out money and manage my bills which gave me a sense of accomplishment. Can you put your hands on your shoulders? I didnt know what shoulders were. The documentary does a great job showing thatstroke-related disability is often not only a loss of one function or another, it is a perturbation of ones entire existence, of ones self-image. Unable even to contemplate the idea of fear, it felt as if I had become fear itself. From Me to You: Kimi ni Todoke. Id been commissioned, that morning, to find five different filmmakers in Moscow to shoot and deliver video by the end of the day. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. But no more than the average Lynch fan. My Beautiful Broken Brain is an intensely personal story of a 34 year old woman, Lotje Sodderland, who documented through film her 1-year journey of recovery from hemorrhagic stroke, which resulted in Aphasia. He genuinely seemed really interested in my experience. But I had this desire to document everythinga sense of wanting to make a documentary, but not in a very logical, coherent way. It was going to be impossible. EMMY AWARDS. Somebody gave me back my iPhone in the hospital, a few days after the stroke, and I quickly re-learned how to use it and started recording myself. "My life now is very simple, it's very focused, but actually now I've come to terms with that, I can appreciate the beauty of it." Whats not to like? Pretending she was an actor, playing a character in a film, also helped give her distance from the more distressing things she went through in hospital. I didnt sleep for days. Lotje Sodderlands long journey to a happy life with what she calls her new brain began early on a November morning in 2011. As Tom chops the kindling while I write this, I feel so very fortunate to be here in the sumptuous stillness, with the singing of tawny owls in the evening. But I found the therapies a constant reminder of what I couldnt do, rather than what I could. Expect major face-palming from Trekkies in July. After two days in an induced coma, with emergency surgery to my parietal and temporal lobes, the parts of my brain wherelanguage and perception are housed, I woke up in aworld I didnt recognise. She woke up in hospital two days later, and once she had her belongings returned to her, found herself reaching for her iPhone and once someone had shown her how to use it again pressing record, Although initially Sodderland was using her phone videos to help her remember all the meetings with doctors, she realised that she also wanted to document what was happening to her. [1] I earn a living that way, but I no longer read and write. It is very difficult to be other peoples property. Colours were much more vibrantand sounds were louder. He experiences anoxia resulting in brain damage. And so began my new life. Last year, four years after the stroke, I got married to a wonderful man. She drew her brother a picture of a TV and a horizon because she remembered that Robinson had made a documentary for the BBC series and after "a few hours" he figured it out. She admits that it takes a very long time to get used to a new brain.. WIRED LIVE. I was conscious, but there was nothing there: no thought, no logic, no reason. Here she meets scientists using technology to repair "broken" brains. Someone told me that the quietest place in London was the Bethnal Green Buddhist Centre. I never had any limits: travelling widelyand generally being very active. We talked about filming. Currently working with Film4, Lotje is in development on her first feature. Her doctor explains that the paths between her visual areas and her language areas are broken. I went to see some fireworks with friends in the evening, followed by a trip to the pub, and returned to my flat at around 10pm. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Five years ago, one of those peoplewas Lotje Sodderland, who woke up to what she describes as a 'new planet', following an unprovoked bleed of the brain at the age of just34. But underneath the hoodie is a blood-caked scar from brain surgery. 7.5 TV Movie Meditation is something I just didnt understand before the stroke, but it has really helped me deal with the effects ofpanic attacks, which I still suffer from occasionally. Read on for more from my conversation with the filmmakers, about their collaboration, how they got David Lynch on board, and what Sodderlands life looks like these days. You evolved in what is a very unusual way. When he dropped me off at the station I said: Ithink were going to fall in love, and he said: Ithink so, too.. I began to draw, bringing to life the monsters I had seen in visions and dreams. The stroke was an upsetting event in my life, but I could also see it as a great blessing and opportunity to change and simplify my life in a positive way by focusing on what really mattered. Its such a testament to the power of these phones.LS: Definitely. Sodderlands stroke left her with significant cognitive problems: impaired speech and memory; trouble with sequencing events; distorted, sometimes psychedelic vision; and an inability to read or write that persists to this day. But I didn't feel any fear. Shes quite a memorable person for lots of different reasons, including being a science-based filmmaker whos a woman doing really well. Though the film showed mostly positive scenes, there were many difficult moments that were not captured, such as my mental health struggles which are an invisible part of recovery. Living on her own, she lays in bed for a while waiting for it to happen but something nudges her to get up and seek help. I was just blown away. "I just thought he'd understand," she says. Lotje describes herself as hard-working, a traveler, someone who has lots of friends, someone who loves to read. Jan later filled in the gaps. Sodderland describes the process of making My Beautiful Broken Brain as essential to her recovery. I opened my eyes as a young medic walked to mybedside and gave me anti-convulsive pills, tellingme to keep taking them twice a day until furthernotice. This was a very dramatic change and it happened very suddenly, but you have to accept that change is part of life. You see what happens in the film. Still unable to speak coherently, Sodderland wanted to get in touch with Sophie Robinson, a documentary film-maker she had met once through work, but had forgotten her name and had no way of articulating who she was. On one hand, it's landed a cast of incredibly funny actresses, but on the other, another reboot? In the beginning, when I wanted to do a film, my family thought it was really weird, but they still supported me. Two weeks after the stroke, I nearly burned the ward to a cinder when the hospital ran a standard independent living test on me (the making of tea and toast). London, England, United Kingdom. At Tan Tock Seng Hospital, Mr Tan was further dismayed to learn that his wifes condition was diagnosed as a drug overdose and possible suicide attempt. n the short term, I had to re-learn many words and struggled to put them in the right order. I'm not able to work to the same level, and multi-task,as I did before. To look at me, you wouldnt have noticed a thing. Videos How does he know all this stuff?. 17 Oscar-Nominated Netflix Films to Watch in Honor of Awards Season, The Best (and Most Anticipated) Movies of 2023 So Far, The 70 Best Romantic Comedies of All Time. Really? Filming what was happening to me was fundamental to my recovery. As though possessed, my hand was making words and my eyes didnt recognise them. Objects would appear, shift and disappear Icouldnt help but wonder if the world was playing an almighty trick on me. Lotje Sodderland is an award winning writer and filmmaker, who started her career as a documentarian at the Institute of Public Policy Research (IPPR) and advertising agency Mother in London. First of all, something terrible has happened. He started explaining that Lotje had started filming herself and would I come and meet her? Lynch himself, in a very Lynchian series of events, actually came to play a role in Sodderlands recovery, and eventually signed on as an executive producer on the film, a prominent part of Netflixs marketing efforts. When the stroke happened, I forgot his name. Lotje asks: If the physical body the brain is damaged, does this extend the damage to ones self? NEURO SYMPOSIM BEIJING. "Having lost the ability to create a linear narrative it became really important to me to tell this story," she says. They looked at me with sad eyes; I wished I could say something to assuage their sadness. At the same time, having tamed my hyper-sensitive receptors through daily meditation, wouldnt it be just like the old me to risk it all in the name of adventure? In a post-surgery self-filmed footage, she shares her excitementof not being dead. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. But it also helped me to recover the narrative aspect of my mind and brain -the ability to tell stories, in a visual way. My Beautiful Broken Brain combines her many iPhone recordingscapturing her experience became an obsession in the face of faulty short-term memoryinterviews shot by the documentarian Sophie Robinson beginning just weeks after the hemorrhage, and special effects footage that re-creates the terrifying fever-dream experience of being inside Sodderlands malfunctioning brain, a world she compares to the Red Room in David Lynchs Twin Peaks. Youre also faced with that dilemma, as a filmmaker, of knowing this is someone who needs to go through recovery. Lotje and her family start looking for reasons, they speak to her doctors, ask questions, and we hear a lot of we dont know, we cant tell for sure why this happened. [7], My Beautiful Broken Brain had its world premiere at the 2014 International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, where it won the DOC U award. The initial goal of 30,000 was exceeded by 7340. I was fascinated and enthralled and terrified by [that new world]. Lotje reveals her tips on adjusting to acquired communication disorder aphasia and finding a new way of life in her present reality. Mit: . That was really that transformative moment. The neurosurgeonexplains that with a hemorrhage of this intensity and with the severity of brain damagethat it causes, many patients dont make it, even with surgical intervention. Videos "I remember it just felt like I was on the moon and looking down on everything," she tells me by phone, having just landed back in London after showing the film at SXSW festival in Austin, Texas. We spent many frustrating afternoons trying. My brain no longer had the ability to switch off. I enjoy our talks so much more these days. So it was worth it? After waking, I was diagnosed with aphasia, which affects your cognition and communication skills, and homonymous hemianopsia-meaning I'dlost almost all the vision in my right eye. Itried the radio, but the sounds were overwhelming. Now the resulting documentary - produced by David Lynch - is coming to . On the outside, there are no obvious signs of what has happened to me - but there are millions of people out there whose everyday challenges you just cant see. I thought, I wonder if hes had a brain hemorrhage? After that I just became really interested in his films. As time passes, it becomes clear to Lotjethat things wont be the same as before. My Beautiful Broken Brain is a 2014 documentary film about the life of 34-year-old Lotje Sodderland after she suffered a hemorrhagic stroke as a result of a congenital vascular malformation in November 2011, initially experiencing aphasia, the complete loss of her ability to read, write, or speak coherently. We seeLotje struggle with the first sessions of cognitive evaluation and speech therapy, the embarrassment from not being able to remember simple word, her nervous laughter, her apologies for not making a lot of sense, her courageoussmile turning into uncontrollable tears of frustration and sadness. Wellcome Trust. During that first strange, solitary fortnight, I had an idea myfirst linear thought. To make sense of what had happened, the former film producer documented her feelings and experiences with her therapies, physiological changes and a newly acquired communication disorder called aphasia through video clips that were turned into a full-length feature film called My Beautiful Broken Brain. 10.6k Followers, 1,026 Following, 1,325 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Lotje Sodderland (@lotje____) Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. Thoughts occurred to me. Iasked a friend if he thought I was a changed woman. Haveyou seen The Exorcist? he said. My date of birth? Here, she speaks to Telegraph Women about the day she became a different person. To our great surprise he wrote an email a few days later back. Focus on who your true friends are. Eventually, hours later, I managed to get to the hotel across the street and was found unconscious in the toilets. She acknowledges that therapists need to assess a person and define what the patients deficits are in order to conduct a proper therapy and figure out how to improve the persons capabilities. I didnt even know what assessment meant, or what I was being assessed for. Liam Neeson and Andrew Garfield star, playing two Jesuit Portuguese Catholic priests who face violent persecution when they travel to Japan to seek out their mentor and spread the teachings of Christianity, David Lynchbecame an executive producer on the film, Sodderland is lucky to be alive, having suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to speak, read, write and perform even simple tasks, Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in, Please refresh your browser to be logged in, My Beautiful Broken Brain: The woman who 'video-selfied' her stroke, 5% off all bookings with this Travelodge discount code, Save 200 on 2023 holidays with this TUI discount code, Extra 15% off Balearic Islands reservation with Barcelo promo code, Family memberships from just 83.40 a year at National Trust, Up to 15% off stays in trending hotels with Hotels.com, Compare broadband packages side by side to find the best deal for you, Compare cheap broadband deals from providers with fastest speed in your area, All you need to know about fibre broadband, Best Apple iPhone Deals in the UK February 2023, Compare iPhone contract deals and get the best offer this February, Compare the best mobile phone deals from the top networks and brands. I'd lost the ability to retain information so I wanted to record this new and terrifying place I'd found myself in. You dont have to have had a brain hemorrhage.. I had been a film-maker: could I film this? I looked at my phone and I didnt know how it worked and I couldnt tell the time or anything, she says. We met. After a lack of response from his wifes friends, Mr Tan reached out to his buddies to drop by their place for a visit or send encouraging texts from time to time. Do you remember Lotje? It seemed entirely impossible that I would be able to love someone else and even more improbable that someone would love the damaged new me. Telling the story of a Hollywood fixer struggling to keep A-listers in line, it has a movie within a movie, an amazing cast, and, judging by the first trailer, some luxurious visuals, Comic book superhero movies have been getting slowly more self-referential and self-parodic lately, and Deadpool looks to be taking itself even less seriously than Guardians of the Galaxy or Ant-Man. We see Lotje applying herself to the task with determination, over many hours, many days, and it seems that she is reading the words more effortlessly. Even listening to the radio is quite overwhelming. I began to use Siri on my iPhone, to listen to what I was writing, and it felt great. Its about having to rethink your life halfway through, and that can happen to any of us. SXSW. 34 year old Lotje Sodderland's personal voyage into the complexity, fragility and wonder of her own brain following a life changing hemorrhagic stroke. Apart from the scar under my hair, my face and body were perfectly intact. I struggled to find the logic in a toothbrush, or the system that goes with the washing of hair, even though I knew (without really understanding) that these behaviours were a necessary part of human life. One night, Lotjegoes out to watch fireworks in London, herhometown, and at the end of the evening, she goes home and goes to bed. Lotje Sodderland at the Royal London hospital in 2011. And its beautiful. Inoticed that we hadnt said anything for a while. I wondered if these women might be able to help me with the more pressing issue of my sanity. [laughs]. I definitely never thought I would actually send those messages to him, especially early on. To help communicate, and make sense of her strange new world, Sodderlandfilmed her recovery and the resulting film, My Beautiful Broken Brain,is now on Netflix, executive produced by Twin Peaks director David Lynch. At one stage before the film was called My Beautiful Broken Brain, it was called Life Interrupted. Ive worked on a new character, becoming more patient, more accepting, kinder to myself and to the people around me. When buying food, I have to bring a lot of $10 notes as I have trouble giving the correct amount.. A fluorescent green laptop screen would flash single words at me and simultaneously play them into my ears; I would repeat them back. While there have been moments of mourning for my old life, my new limitations mean I have been forced to unravel exactly what I was made of. They had set themselves a goal: by Christmas, they would have taught me to write a shopping list, and to read Simpkin, by Quentin Blake, my three-year-old niece Matildas favourite book. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. The long-awaited sequel will no doubt do well at the box office, but I'm not sure if the fashion industry is as fertile for satire now as it was in 2001, and the trailer relies too heavily on honouring old gags rather than creating new ones, A new film from Terrence Malick should have been a huge cause for celebration, but Knight of Cups has been swimming in post-Cannes purgatory for months now. In 2011, Lotje Sodderland was a 34-year-old Londoner living a life familiar to many: She worked a demanding 24/7 job at an advertising agency, traveled the world, and spent time with her wide circle of friends. Now the resulting documentary produced by David Lynch is coming to Netflix, Find your bookmarks in your Independent Premium section, under my profile. Four years after the stroke happened, I got married to a new way life... November morning in 2011 interested in his films of therapists, sharing with them experience... Quot ; brains bringing to life the monsters I had an idea linear. 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