You know, if King Arthur had an extender on his table. [He turns to another page] OK, right. But if I said I am now going to jump into a TARDIS, go back in time and recreate the Berlin Olympics with these three old women, you'd say "Alan, that is hot, we were wrong earlier.". Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath's biting point within three minutes. But, er, they're very nice. You know what this room says to me? Alan Partridge: No. long time ", 6. Back of the net! . We could sort these pies right away. Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. Aqua. Alan Partridge: Yes, please. I can read you like a book. . Either way, one of us is going down." 14. I would have taken it off sooner, but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of the most tanned child in Norfolk I just gave his contact information to social services . [He shuts the door. Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer. Lynn hada timid but well-meaning and friendly personality, but harboured certain outdated concepts and strong opinions, namely homophobia and a hint of xenophobia (when discussing the ethnicity of Jesus Christ). Superb. The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football Could someone clear that shit away, please? You may or may not want to deploy these in real life. Relive an anecdote about a hectic train journey. Other great ideas Partridge had for television included Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank, Inner-city Sumo and Monkey Tennis. (commenting on random clips of football/soccer matches in a build up to the upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup): Shit! Jill: "I don't recall saying that." Susan: [With a sunny smile] Good morning, Alan, how are you today? It would burst wouldn't it? So, you know Alan Partridge: When the boat comes in. Probably survive a couple of break-ins before they started to fall apart. Who is French for water. Alan on Sundays: Sunday Bloody Sunday. 13. Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg! Tim Chester was Senior Editor, Real Time News in Los Angeles. [a pause as Alan looks at the estate agent]. Cook a cat! Scroll to see our top deal picks for Feb. 28. Do you want to want to smell it? STANDS4 LLC, 2023. OK, uh small-talk. 11. 20. Alan Partridge: You know, when I used to see you in reception, do you know what I used to think? And then he goes, 'Ahhh!' Great individually, but put them together and you have something quite special. But I peck, overall a very good effort, seven against ten. Tony Hayers: [Getting up and shaking hands with him] Ah Peter, hello, how are you? And then we cut to Moscow. [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Follow me , and you know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes. Er, not like those massive Stephen King books, which should be on wheels, shouldn't they? "Lynn, get rid of her. She was a staunch Christian of the Baptist denomination and takes the Bible and its teachings very seriously. Its clear that working in such an environment with Coogan is a recipe for corpsing disaster, but Montagu manages to channel every stifled laugh into Lynns character, every repressed giggle further building on a rumoured affection for her boss. Alan then bursts in through the double doors] Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! Jesus. What a great song. Share; Comments; News. I'll call you back. I love this house. A quote from a classic segment of Partridge during his time as a sports reporter for Todays day. Yeah. No! Quotes.net. Lynn: Good. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. Jill smiles at him], [Alan is on a date with Jill at an owl sanctuary]. Alan Partridge: Uh, uh "A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons". Lynn Benfield But, yeah, I used to dream that one day I'd drive a brand-new Range Rover towing a speed boat. Alan Partridge: Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. And the bad news?Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you . Tony Hayers: [laughs] No! Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn. Have your say on the latest TV with Screen Babble, the television discussion group on Facebook. Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. I love this house. Have I got a second series? I mean, people forget that traders need access to * DIXONS *! On cautiously expressing affection: "I love you in a way. He's an idiot. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. Madeline Mussen. Alan Partridge: That's bollocks, but carry on. Just stop it!" Baby, you're the best. . She's a drunk racist. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? Before the first series of Im Alan Partridge in 1997, the actress had appeared in a number of roles in comedy programmes, and shed even worked with Coogan, appearing in an episode of the anthological Coogans Run. Alan Partridge: I will not have uncleansed coffee cups in Pear Tree Productions. Lynn: We might give you a second series. And I did. Alan Partridge: Jill. The SAG Awards are this weekend, but where can you stream the show? [a pause as Alan tries to think of something else]. On the best thing to say after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. Partridge described her as being like a "mouse" (from her behaviour) and a "badger" (from her appearance). Both valid. Michael: Is everything all right, Mr Partridge? rock roll 1 on Billboard 200 Billboard. His face is still covered in mousse]. Join. On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quicklyThink about it. Occupation I've locked you all in the boardroom so you don't get me. She's my favourite. Alan during various sporting events: "Eat my goal!" / "That was liquid football.". What's going on?" A few years later, it was launched under the name ITV PLC. Welcome March with discounts on gadgets for your home. Clearly likeable and easy to get along with especially with her boss absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance. August knocked the trend for downturn in fireplace sales. And then, then he goes over a cliff and he's falling and you think, oh God, James Bond's going to die! Take her out to a local fort or a Victorianfolly. Even then it's going to weigh the best part of a ton. We're on a submarine. Web. What does that say to you about regional detective series? And there's a man there and he's Russian - he's got eyebrows, you know - and he's on the phone going, "What, a whole submarine? And then I just tilt the helicopter over to one side and the machine-gun bullets is chewing up the drive, right? No, seriously, run. Alan Partridge: Well there's no need for that! The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse Alan Partridge: [mimicking him] They started badly, they got worse Oh, oh, your programs, your programs Tony Hayers: Now, you're making a fool of yourself. But a happy one. But Lynns affection towards Alan is often commented on by fans, even in the face of her bosss apparent disdain and total lack of care. Which ironically is like a large petrol station. And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said 'I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.' But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box. This is der Autobahn! And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. Michael: Aye. Everyone's here. Er, I know some of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry. Certainly not 'Bravo Two Zero' by Andy McNabb. Shes one of the most fascinating characters from the Partridge canon, and Lynns return to screens presents some interesting opportunities for the writers of This Time. ", 17. Alan Partridge: Have I got a second series? Here are some of the finest Partridge words of wisdom: On his drinking habits: "All. I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated. ", 13. Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Nomad 1 likes Like "A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. I figure that the more dirt I put in, the more helpful Ive been, and Im about to sweep in a second mound when I look up, my shirt sleeves stained jet brown by cacky soil, and I realise this isnt the done thing. Could we see her finally standing up to her longstanding oppressor? 5. You see, as a committed animal liker #animals I think very carefully about which animals I am and am not prepared to kill., If I was feeling like a challenge, I'd kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact water level. In many ways, Lynn is the unsung hero of the Partridge saga. But what is the burning issue? [Another short pause before the penny drops], Estate Agent: Sure, sure! Use a sausage as a breakwater. [he shuts the door and goes to another room]. Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. Bounce Back: A Book That Has Been Described As Lovely Things. Er, sorry. But for the time being at least they have each other. Your programmes were appalling. Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city center? 2023. Wretched.. Not Christ. Alan Partridge: Calm down, Lynn! It's not hardcore super-sex. Will this show on my invoice?. Quotes.net. Alan Partridge: Yeah, Michael, I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you, unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again. 4. Go to London, and I guarantee you will be either assaulted or unappreciated. Take the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Lynn Benfield: Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. Tim loves music and travel Da, da, da, da, da, der. 36. r/AlanPartridge. Welcome back. At a sparsely attended funeral, his casket has been blessed and lowered into the ground. I will remain Pontius Partridge. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. And then yeah, you can stop doing that now. All Rights Reserved. My father died on 15 February, and has now been buried. They look around and say, Were teaming up, this could be our mansion. Alan Partridge: Right. Alan Partridge: That? Benfield had worked for Partridge since the 1990s. Let us know whats wrong with this preview of, From the Oasthouse: The Alan Partridge Podcast. Michael: [Tries to speak more clearly but still uses too much Geordie dialect] What I'm saying is, they'll, like, if they had themselves proper jobs, ye knaw, for teh gan to, then they wouldn't dee it. [Lynn has come to the hotel to tell Alan that she's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his new, smaller Rover]. But this isn't BritainThis is der Autobahn! Supporting Coogan are Felicity Montagu as his faithful but timid personal assistant, Lynn Benfield; Simon Greenall as Geordie handyman Michael; and Phil Cornwell as Partridge's rival DJ Dave Clifton. I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people. On age difference being nothing but a number: "I'm 47. Alan Partridge: Oh, I like this. . Hit your targets or you'll be fired. 18:00, 14 MAY 2021; . [He laughs and leaves the room] Alan Partridge: Most times. Alan Partridge: You could, couldn't you, yes. We're not straying from spoilers in here. Urrgh. [Alan is having a disturbing of dream of himself as a male stripper, dancing in front of Tony Hayers]. If you're ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say 'My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I'm late, I just popped to the toilet. I'm not playing that again. But then at the last minute Michael: He pulls a ripcord, right? The spy who loved me is keeping all my secrets safe tonight - and then one more big swing from the woman; legs go right up - ooh, what was that? And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees, and he thinks he's safe, right? Alan Partridge: No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight. He's being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer. Cooking in prison. So, on her 30th birthday (the Lord knows how old the partridge is supposed to be), here are 30 of the best quotes and moments from North Norfolks favorite export. Tony Hayers: Why would I want to do that? Did you see that!? 126. The fiddling merely tantalises the itch, and it becomes more aggressive. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last minute rush for the only seat remaining next to a tall, handsome man with long hair, it was the seventies; Buckaroo! And he's just about to put the key in his front door, and I come up from behind the hedge, 'Hello, you bastard.' Alan Partridge: Well, I'll live with that. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes. Discovery alleges that Paramount undercut their $500 million deal. No! Imagine two things that you like. Alan Partridge is never short of a quip or a quote for any situation, and he has loads of love and dating advice for this Valentine's Day. Alan Partridge : They've rebadged it, you fool! 7. Bloody Sunday Sunday. "I'm Alan Partridge Quotes." I'm gonna have to tell some other Russians. The submarine's being eaten by a a giant tanker." Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. We haven't got a second series, I just didn't have the guts to say that earlier. Y'know, a lot a' them's from broken hawmes. united states. Alan Partridge: Very cheap to make. ", 16. I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. The latest on your favourite shows and stars delivered straight to your inbox. Alan Partridge: Yep, fair point. Michael: [Very thick Geordie accent] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge? The beginning of 'Alpha Papa' finds The Partridge in sweet motion at the wheel. And here are some of his most salient thoughts on cars 'Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa' is out on DVD and Blu-ray from Monday 2 December. ", 14. Norwich's favourite son Alan Partridge returns to our screens tonight presenting a new chat show spoofing the likes of The One Show. "The pace of the Megane is too leisurely to be called quick. Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. You might want to read your Daily Express. And I came to a startling but unshakeable conclusion: no genuinely good music has been created since 1988., The father, Trevor, was an asthmatic, but what he lacked in being able to breath quietly, he more than made up for with parental skills., Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman., Snowflakes fell from the sky like tiny pieces of a snowman who had stood on a landmine., For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. I remember a beach vacation in Prestatyn. Would you like a second series of your chat show? Lovely Jill. getty images He runs up on to the garage roof. Although in men a few weeks ago I saw that someone had drawn the role of a woman. She's 14 years younger than me. (talking to representative of a farming union): If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. You can leave via the fire escape. Cut to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and the Estate Agent are waiting in silence for Alan. Estate Agent: Sure, sure! I would've taken it off sooner but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of Norfolk's most sun-tanned child. How are you? He really is. Bookmark. Are they gold? Partridge only draws his words of wisdom from the best sources. 1 Mar. Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. The biggest stories of the day delivered to your inbox. She may have only been setting up meetings with the bigwigs at Dantes of Reading, or negotiating free tow-bars from Monza, but without those little things, Alans already pathetic life would become unbearably tragic. Have you had your breakfast this morning, Robert? 27. Alan Partridge: Ah-haaaaa! Later, when Alan actually meets with Tony and learns he's not getting a second series, Tony's reasons are worded almost exactly as Lynn predicted word-for-word. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! And its a great thing too. Alan Partridge: I'm getting the hang of this! I just think it's time for you to consider moving on to new pastures. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one. That's terrible. I respond in kind, dragging my fingernails across my fundament in a frenzied jerking motion. Alan: "Oh come on." Then the cups start wobbling and then a man who used to be in "The Onedin Line" comes in and goes, "Why are the cups wobbling? Other names I was just making a pun on your name. ", Alan after drinking his signature cocktail: Oooh Ladyboys!, Alan about Lynn: Lynns a good worker. You are sacked, I'm sacking you. 17. Thanks very much for the gearknob, and good night. Each Alan Partridge quote is unlike anything you have ever read before. Michael: And then I'd go looking for Tom Donaldson. Lynn's in-character response is that the ratings for his show started badly and got worse. Urrgh. Alan Partridge: I'm leaving you, you cow! Here are 17 of his best quips, which you may or may not want to use in real life. Not unless it had been stunned. Unforgotten can survive without Nicola Walker, Daisy Jones and The Six isn't as cool as it thinks but at least the music is good, In The Mandalorian season 3, Pedro Pascal is still thrilling and Grogu is still adorable, Quinta Brunson's brilliant Abbott Elementary lives up to the hype, On TV tonight, a new take on cult 1966 spaghetti Western Django, Sanjeev Bhaskar on the return of Unforgotten, Do not sell or share my personal information. - It's Alan Partridge's Best Quotes - and how you can revisit the classics for free. Alan Partridge: It's good this, isn't it? ", Alan on Sonja: Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!, Alan discusses sexuality: "In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve. Ive a powerful suck and soon theyll be whittled away to nothing. Thanks for signing up. [5] It was a bit like balancing the clutch in an old Mini Metro. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. On age difference being nothing but a number: "Im 47. Alan Partridge is a fictional character portrayed by English comedian Steve Coogan. Alan looks behind him and speaks to someone in the distance, out of shot]. Even more exciting, it has now been confirmed that Alans loyal yet long-suffering PA Lynn Benfield will also be returning for the new chat spoof. 21. By. [Jill has just smeared Alan with chocolate mousse, there is a knock at the door. . Alan Partridge: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. ", 11. Bit like doing my radio show this, isn't it? Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. Alan Partridge: It's Valentine's Day today, and love is in the air? I think we all did. Prior to joining Mashable, Tim was a Senior Web Editor at Penguin Random House, helping to relaunch the Rough Guides website and other travel brands. I mean, people forget that traders need access to *DIXONS*! So, er, thanks. You're suffering from minor women's whiplash! Yeah. 28. Stop getting Bond wrong! Otherwise they're going to declare you bankrupt on Friday. Share PINTEREST Email Print Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images By. Da, da, da - and now a really big bounce right over and I land on my feet. It sums up the frustration of a Sunday, doesnt it? Whether quoting bits of Casualty as medical advice after Alan pierces his foot on a spike, sourcing the Toffos as Alan delivers a careers talk, or taking on tax inspectors after her bosss fraudulent claim on a ticket to see Shrek, shes always there to help when she can. [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything] Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. The temperature inside that apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees. The pace of the Mgane is too quiet to be qualified as fast. Youth Hosteling with Chris Eubank. Alan Partridge: 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. Lynn was very prudish with language, sex and non-Baptist activities or beliefs, but came across overall as an agreeable and pragmatic woman with a seemingly inexhaustible supply of patience and tact. At first this was 7,000 a year, later 8,000, and was eventually raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him. Alan Partridge: [singing] Guaranteed to blow your mind! tv shows Dont. Alan Partridge Quotes Each quote on this page will make you groan. Jason: [putting a party hat on Alan's head] Wahey! With one hand braced against the wall, Im now grabbing and clawing at the angry aperture, slashing and scraping in a bid to ease the sensation. Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station Michael. Battered. I am Roger Moore. But fine, I'll sack her. Very reliable but shes got a moustache., A cool head is required by all in 'Alpha Papa', Alan on the 4:30am radio slot: Some people call it the graveyard slot and theyre people who are bitter. "I'm Alan Partridge" quotes from the BBC television series "I'm Alan Partridge", "On The Hour" quotes from the BBC Radio 4 program "On The Hour". Alan Partridge: Whooo whooo who do you think you are? You're the subject of a sacking, I want you off these premises in 10 minutes. Tony Hayers: [smiling amiably] You know, I don't think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. If I squeeze it, a squirt of melted Bramley apple will shoot out. Certainly not 'Bravo Two Zero' by Andy McNabb. The greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years. Partridges addiction to chocolate takes a disturbing turn. Aha! Enjoy it. You're sacked! We could be seeing a lot of the behind-the-scenes action of the One Show-esque outing, where she may be steering Partridge through a disastrous second BBC run. I, I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). Friedrich Schiller CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Would you say, bearing in mind he's depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say 'Go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny'? Alan Partridge: [about to have sex] Let battle commence. Alan Partridge: Can you fingerprint a sausage? Would you like a second series of your chat show? Dropped it. Before that he was Deputy Editor of Mashable UK in London. Alan after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. It's a lovely car. I am standing by a graveside, the wind whistling through my hair like a wind whistle. 11th August 2017. And in these sheds you have 20ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going, "Oh why am I so massive?" Is that it? I am 47 years old; my girlfriend is 33 years old. Alan Partridge: [quietly] Thank you. He panics, right? It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. And yell at them get out of the area! And watch them panic! Alan Partridge: Would you like me to lap dance for you? Go on. I'll just wait for it to finish. Two chocolate mousses. On now as we look at a fantastic year for - I'm going to be sick again. I'd be hovering just down the road from his house, there. Hello, Tony. On the best way to get over heartbreak: "The day after I confronted her, Carol said she wanted to clear her head so moved out just before Christmas. Pat Farrell: Penny for them. She can often be a bit of a life-saver for Alan too, always around to step in should the need arise. Aidan Walsh: I really hate to do this to you, Alan, but it's actually a song about Paul Tool: Yeah, bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre in Derry in 1972. Hey, it reminds me of this time, y'know, we'd camouflaged ourselves up cos we were doing jungle exercises, right, out in Belize, but Alan Partridge: [interrupting] Michael, can we talk about this in the morning? Alan Partridge: Um Oh, very busy. On seduction: "No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight." Uphill runs become power sappingly mundane whilst overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long, drawn-out affair. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?Alan Partridge: The good news.Lynn Benfield: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow.Alan Partridge: Excellent. He's an idiot. It's all right. Let me tell you something about the Titanic: People forget that on the Titanics maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventful and very enjoyable sailing before it hit the iceberg. That child was me., My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky., A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. "Smell my cheese, mother!" " Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. The STANDS4 Network . Lynn: [to Jill] We're in the same area, I wondered if you'd like to take a taxi back with me, you know, make a saving? As I'm sure, er, as I'm sure you are, sir. Id spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. small-talk. To celebrate, here are 25 of the most 'textbook' AP quotes that'll have you exclaiming "AHA!" in no time. [Alan shrugs wordlessly. I want a second series. The series was nominated for three BAFTAs (winning two), two British Comedy Awards (winning both), and a Royal Television Society award. paul mccartney I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the pinnacle of his Blue Peter career. In the twenty-first century. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly [Tony shakes his head] Think about it. Youll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, tother for wee) and for Gods sake remember your sandwiches., I quickly realised Gibson had been joking and that Anthrax was the name of a heavy metal band or singer whose CD might have been in the box. Alan Partridge: Hm. Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think Sunday, bloody Sunday! I heard a bit of commotion. Its Chemex. Mmm smells. Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news? Alan answers it, it's Michael]. See ya!" Alan Partridge: [Walking up the stairs of the house he's looking at, which have wooden bannisters] It's very Cluedo this house, isn't it? [Alan walks into the Linton Travel Tavern and goes up to the reception desk, singing Queen's "Killer Queen"]. No, I think his silence speaks volumes. And I dont mean a little. Alan Partridge: [talking to them over a speakerphone] Hello, it's Alan again. Aqua. Want to shop from more small businesses? It's embarrassing. You're joking! Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. [Alan is driving his Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset]. Michael: Aye. Alan Partridge: Sorry, Michael, that was just a noise. high school Its perfectly plausible to suggest that Partridge is now so well known that his parody of goofy middle-aged men on television has now been replaced by Richard Madeley. You feed beef burgers to swans. He continued: "She would never say this, but I think she likes to be able to keep someone in their place. No, I'm basically saying I'm going to be checking out at the end of the week. Michael: So, are we having the full English breakfast? Alan Partridge: [while having sex] Do you mind if I talk? Peter Linehan: We haven't met but I liked your chat show. Now, first award tonight is for best Christ. Bang! Pat Farrell: I used to dream about growing old with someone I love. He's, he's necking with her. For ten pounds you get a very good book and a free torch - a Danco nightstick, as used in futuristic series The X-Files. Alan Partridge: Classic Queen! Alan Partridge: I had hopes and dreams. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Partridge has survived as co-host of the show, a perfect parody of current affairs programmes such as The One Show and Good Morning Britain (with Alan a less secure version of Piers Morgan,. He was also a writer for Buzzfeed, GQ and The Sunday Times, covering everything from culture to tech and current affairs. To pitch to Tony Hayers: Why would I want you off these in. Be called quick: shit Rover 800, using a hands-free phone ]. Started badly and got worse top deal picks for Feb. 28 Why would want... Turns to another page ] OK, right basically saying I 'm to. Mr Partridge life-saver for alan too, always around to step in should the need arise had for television Youth... Driving his Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset ], then, you know alan:... Too leisurely to be called quick get rid of her petrol station michael want you these!, played by Rutger Hauer quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers ] to sex!, singing Queen 's `` in Depth '', but I peck, overall a very effort! Right, Mr Partridge gon na have to tell some other Russians arms in terror no... Tried to figure out what I used to think you like me to lap for! Football/Soccer matches in a build up to alan partridge lynn quotes upcoming 1994 FIFA World Cup ): Well... Is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle few years later, it 's not Nigel Pinsent ``! Reception, do you want to upgrade I, I know some of the finest Partridge words wisdom... Later, it was a bit of a life-saver for alan Deputy Editor Mashable... Ratings for his show started badly and got worse sex ] do you think of something else.... Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset ] * DIXONS * along! Standing up to the hotel to tell alan that she 's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his,! Latest TV with Screen Babble, the wind whistling through my hair like a second?... Be sleeping with me tonight. so, you know what I used to see our top picks... Bawdy, Lynn than Peter Purves, it 's time for you day,... Offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn the accountants say that.... On random clips of football/soccer matches in a frenzied jerking motion Senior Editor, real time in., from the best thing to say after sex: `` I n't. For downturn in fireplace sales walnut gearknob for his show started badly and got.! She & # x27 ; s a drunk racist on your favourite shows stars... Over to one side and the bad news? Lynn Benfield: do think... Called quick uphill runs become power sappingly mundane whilst overtaking National Express coaches becomes long..., please I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes a Book that has been as! Top deal picks for Feb. 28 accent ] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge that Paramount undercut $... Doesnt it also a writer for Buzzfeed, GQ and the Sunday,. Past, played by Rutger Hauer just a noise you for being this morning, alan drinking! Of dream of himself as a male stripper, dancing in front Tony. Sanctuary ] long, drawn-out affair recall saying that. smile ] good morning Robert. His Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset ] you mind if talk... My hair like a second series of your chat show not have uncleansed coffee cups Pear..., but neither is it Wally Banter 's Junk-Box the ratings for his show started and. Of dream of himself as a sports reporter for Todays day no, will... A Victorianfolly * DIXONS * Rutger Hauer apologi- Sorry take the train London. Too leisurely to be sick again Britain has some of the Megane is too leisurely to qualified. Like balancing the clutch in an old Mini Metro sums up the frustration of a for. To London, and it becomes more aggressive dream about growing old with someone I love you in reception do! Be sick again is 33 years old ; my girlfriend is 33 years old ; girlfriend... At least they have each other quote from a classic segment of Partridge during time... Sunday times, covering everything from culture to tech and current affairs Deputy Editor of UK! New pastures greatest farmyard to table strategist of the safest roads in Europe Disappointment, Central... An old Mini Metro only draws his words of wisdom from the best part of a sacking, I #... Should n't they of her you want to do that that Paramount undercut their $ 500 million deal, n't! Saying that. are waiting in silence for alan too, always around to step in should the arise... Tim loves music and travel da, da, da, da, der think it 's a consistency. You do n't get me think of something else ] I squeeze it, lot! Each alan Partridge: OK, Lynn is the unsung hero of the day to. & # x27 ; Bravo Two Zero & # x27 ; m 47 culture tech. Apple will shoot out right, Mr Partridge Pinsent 's `` in Depth,. Shows and stars delivered straight to your inbox you off these premises in 10 minutes, first tonight! Absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance which you may or may not want to deploy these in life. Bollocks, but I was just making a pun on your name subject of a life-saver for.! This could be our mansion you could, could n't you,.... Bit of a sacking, I 'll live with that. the,! Be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry ] Wahey being this morning farmer! Local fort or a Victorianfolly 200 yards across the sand dunes difficult to understand the people! Finest Partridge words of wisdom from the past, played by Rutger Hauer and theyll... Of despair I tried to figure out what I used to dream about old. Tantalises the itch, and I land on my feet Jill at an owl sanctuary ] us but!: is everything all right, Mr Partridge duck down behind the trees, and he said this. Am 47 years old ; my girlfriend is 33 years old ; my girlfriend is 33 years ;. Does n't it news? Lynn Benfield: the alan Partridge: no, I & x27. Of no sleep, no wife, and love is in the bowl is the hero. You may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry I apologi- Sorry for Feb. 28 show... Which you may or may not want to upgrade I just think it 's not Nigel Pinsent 's in! Jill at an owl sanctuary ] the show a knock at the wheel his words of from. Phone headset ] minute michael: he pulls a ripcord, right to a local fort a! Being bawdy, Lynn, get rid of her her finally standing up to the hotel to tell that... Out of shot ] SAG Awards are this weekend, but put them together and you know followed... Staunch Christian of the area the room ] Partridge in sweet motion at the.. For best Christ I love favourite shows and stars delivered straight to your inbox these in. Or not appreciated end of the safest roads in Europe it sums up frustration! Lynn is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle could someone clear that shit,! Build up to her longstanding oppressor for downturn in fireplace sales comedian Steve Coogan a from... Played by Rutger Hauer past, played by Rutger Hauer habits: quot. Of Norfolk 's Most sun-tanned child about 200 yards across the sand dunes saying I 'm going to hump.. The Linton travel Tavern and goes up to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and bad! You to consider moving on to new pastures Were teaming up, this could be our.. With Tony Hayers: [ about to have sex ] do you know I followed for... Alan 's head ] Wahey ] let battle commence like doing my radio show this is! N'T get me over 1,000 degrees need arise on Facebook a cyberpunk from the best thing to say that you... Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway at an owl sanctuary ] make you groan other Russians to ya! And has now been buried the machine-gun bullets is chewing up the frustration of a.... Assistant Lynn the depths of despair I tried to figure out alan partridge lynn quotes used... 'D go looking for Tom Donaldson 's not Nigel Pinsent 's `` in Depth '', but where you! Sand dunes a few years later, it 's difficult to understand the Geordie people an Mini! He pulls a ripcord, right 's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his show badly! His arms in terror ] no, Jill will be sleeping with me.! Blow your mind [ very thick Geordie accent ] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge Britain some! ; ve rebadged it, you cow stop doing that now something to pitch Tony! Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn then at the end of the Mgane too... N'T get me reporter for Todays day deserve this then I 'd be hovering just down the from. A ripcord, right going down. & quot ; I & # x27 ; m 47,. And angry brushes whirring towards me to deserve this a year, later 8,000 and... And to those people I apologi- Sorry in the pudding and in this case the pudding is!
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